Farewell from Jos...

I just wrote this on Facebook, I think it sums up things for me.

"It sure does suck to say goodbye (forever?) to the country and the friends that have shaped my life for basically the past two years. On the other hand, saying hello again to friends and family that will shape my future is pretty darn exciting... Feelings are funny."

Looking back on the past time I've spent in Africa, I've gotten to know some really great people from all over the world. Through the 6 months I was here last year, and the 10 from this year, it's been a rollercoaster of emotions. I left home in 2008 not knowing what I was getting into. Then I made a new home, and had to leave it after 6 short months. Going back to Canada was hard, as my heart was still in Africa. But God blessed me by opening doors for me to return. It's been a good 10 months, with dips up and down on the rollercoaster, but now I come to an interesting part in the ride, where I feel like I'm going up AND down. All at the same time... (which can be kinda painful).

I have to leave all the friends I've gotten to know here from the past 10 months. Canadians, Americans, Irish, English, Swiss, German, Scottish, Dutch, Nigerians (of course) and Africans from other countries like the Congo and Kenya... (did I miss anyone?) I've loved it. Getting to know people from other countries and cultures really does something to change you. By getting to know how another people groups, you realize how odd your own culture can be! Even this week when I tried to pay for my own bill at a restaurant, my Nigerian friend Safia and the other Nigerians with us were dumbfounded. I was the guest! How could I try to pay for myself?? Just shows you how little one can really learn of a culture even after a combined 16 months of living in it...

So I've had to say goodbye to a lot of these people, but as my roomie recently said "no one really says goodbye anymore. It's now 'see you on Facebook!'" Which is partly true (not everyone has joined Facebook) and echoes kinda what I'd written a bit about in my last post. Facebook makes saying "goodbye forever" a little bit easier to say since I'll be able to continue to connect with most of the friends I've met here via the virtual world.

Speaking of goodbyes, the church I've attended here had to say an unexpected and sudden goodbye the the choir leader. I didn't know him, but he's been a fixture at NKST the entire time I've been there. Apparently he'd collapsed earlier in the week and died a number of days later. I believe I posted this photo of him ealier.

As one who can't sing (without making everyone around me wish they brought earplugs), I've appreciated the choir as a great way to vicariously praise God through songs in a way I wish I could. I know he will be missed by his wife and son and it really goes to show how fragile life still is, and how lucky we in the West are. I've heard that it's thought he had suffered a heart attack, but that it's likely it wasn't diagnosed, nor was there appropriate equipment to deal with it. It made me think of my own Dad who had a heart attack a couple years ago. Thanks to a quick response of the doctors and some speedy stends, my Dad was in and out of the hospital within a matter of days. Think of the lives that could be saved across the world if only appropriate equipment and staff were available! I wish I had medical training (or the brains for it). I think I'd be working in the hospital here or somewhere else in a heartbeat. In fact, if you're of the medical profession, I highly recommend you spend some time in prayer about this. You could be used by God to save lives for people in a country without free or accessible health care, what a blessing!

I don't have a whole lot else to write today, I apologize. I've been pretty busy my last few days, saying goodbyes, packing and all that fun stuff. I'm off tomorrow morning for Abuja, then flying out tomorrow night. After about 24 hours of flights and layovers... Canada! woo! I'm pretty excited. Sucks I won't be able to get some tasty snacks like I've gotten here, like locust and dog meat... (ps, not my hand.)

Well, that's just about it from me! The next time anything gets posted on here, I'll be in Canadia! I still plan on keeping this blog updated, so check in every once and a while for some clever antidote and a photo or two! Thanks for reading, supporting and following!!

*edit*
ps! Some photos from my latest trip Farin Ruwa waterfall and to the EKA are up!

Facebook defence and an update/photos

I didn't know about Facebook until about my second or third year of college. A friend recommended it to me as a good way for me to post my photos of recent concerts we had been to. I had been a bit reluctant, but what was one more 'social networking' site? I already had a Windows Space, MySpace, Bebo, Hyves and several others whose passwords I've long forgotten.  So I signed up and became immersed in the world of Facebookery.

Ignoring the media's warning of the huge risks to sharing personal information (I like to live dangerously) I boldly displayed my personal information. (Who's going to want to pretend to be me, anyway?) Full name, age (even the year!), school and hometown were within reach of anyone looking. Bring it, identity thieves.

Several years, 392 friends (aren't I popular?), a couple videos, 357 photos tagged of me (a lot of them are from other people, I'm not THAT vain) and 82 albums later, I have a hard time thinking back to how life was in the BAF (Before the Age of Facebook). Facebook has always been keeping up-to-date, changing every few months to remain current in the interweb world. I'd say that's the main reason it hasn't gone the way of MySpace and its predecessors.

There are many who refuse to 'hop on the Facebook bandwagon'. The most common reason I've heard is that it's because it's so 'impersonal'. I disagree. While a 'poke' doesn't compare to a hug or a wall post to a conversation, Facebook is as impersonal as you make it. I have a theory that if the nay-sayers were born in Alexander Bell's time, they'd be rejecting the phone as "too impersonal".  Or going back farther, they'd have rejected letters, Morse code and smoke signals. Each has had its era, each has been of use to society during its time. Just because there is almost always a more personal way to interact with someone, doesn't make it the best. For instance, if I heard about a friend's recent engagement, a phone call is more appropriate than me giving my buddy a big ol' smack on the lips. Not only would I risk a fist to the face, I'd be sure raise some questions in his fiancée's head. Not to mention my own girlfriend's. Overall, it's not always a good idea to be more personal.

Anti-FBers are quick to follow-up with the rhetorical question of: "Why not just pick up the phone?" I can think of a couple reasons. One, the phone is about half-way up on the hierarchy of personal interaction (below handwritten letters and well above the fist pump). And as I demonstrated above, jumping levels in the hierarchy is not a good idea. If someone made a comment that me laugh, I'm not going to call them, laugh, then hang up. If it's an old classmate's birthday, I'll congratulate them on Facebook. Chances are I don't even have their number, nor do I feel like risking an awkward "so, who is this??" conversation. (Don't let my 392 friends fool you, I wasn't all that popular in High School).  Sometimes being LESS personal is better. A written "Happy Birthday" will be received well. Making a long-distance phone call to someone I haven't seen since grad to say the same two words will be received with various degrees of curiosity, confusion, creepiness and court meetings about restraining orders. The second reason I give Facebook the thumbs up instead of the phone is distance. I haven't lived in the same area code as the vast majority of my friends for more than half of each of the last two years. Not even the same continent. Phone calls are all but out of the discussion. Same with mail. It takes months for me to receive any from home. Not a good option. Facebook is easy, quick and free (always a pro for those of use from Dutch heritage).

Facebook has more pros for me than just being easier and cheaper than other forms of communication. I regularly meet a lot of other people for only short periods of time. People come in and out of the mission/volunteer world for as little as a week. I get to know them, then they're gone. Facebook lets me keep in touch with them for years after. But not only the people I meet briefly, those I'm closely connected to are readily available on Facebook. A lot of my friends, church members and family are there, (even my Grandpa!) It's been an amazing way to keep in touch with many of the people I know and have come to know. Long live Facebook!

ps, to anyone not on Facebook who has read this and would like to comment, I fully expect a phone call.

Oh, and for anyone (not just Facebook users) I've posted some photos from Kurra Falls. To reward those of you who are my dedicated blog readers (hey Mom) enjoy some photos that have yet to grace the book of face!

On Saturday, the Strydhort's invited me along with them, their oldest daughter and a bunch of her friends to a place the mission world here calls 'the causeway'. It's got this name from it's Irish counterpart called the Giant's Causeway. I visited the one in Northern Ireland on my way home last year and you can see what it's like in comparison in my Ireland photos on the right. It's a similar rock formation. Way back when there was volcanoes in Nigeria, this lava flow underwent a fairly unique cooling and ended up in pillars varying in hight, but almost each one is six-sided!

There is a river that runs through here and a few neat waterfalls. One downside is that the water is quite dirty and brown, leaving behind a lot of dirt on the formations. But still very neat to see some unique areas of God's creation!

As we were leaving, a bunch of kids saw us and followed. I was in the back near them and one sneakily held my hand the rest of the way to the car...


I also went to the EKA last week, which was very cool. I'm far too tired to give you a play-by-play right now, so you'll just have to suffer through a few of my favourite photos from the trip. This first one you may want to open up larger to see the woman carrying a bucket...

So now you have a taste of some more traditional African sights!

ps, less than 2 weeks!!

hoo boy...

Time is really winding down now! I've currently got 21 days left in Nigeria before I make the 2-day trek back to Canada! Speaking of 2-day treks, I'm on one tomorrow with Niger State as my end point. I'll be travelling up with Jeremiah, who works with Water Wins, an organization that drills bore holes farther North where clean water is quite scarce and the terrain is too rocky for wells. I hope to be able to witness some of the work they're doing there and share it with you all! I've been to this area once last year for a few days. I was able to visit some of the villages and I really enjoyed it. This trip will be to about Friday or Saturday, long enough to enjoy, but short enough that it doesn't take up too much of my last few days.

I'm not sure what exaclty God has in store for me during these last few weeks, but I know He'll give me the strength I need to go through them. I'll miss Africa dearly, I've grown into Christ a lot while I've been here, and it will always hold a place in my heart. I actually find it harder to picture myself in Canada in this point than I do in Africa...

On the other hand, I'm very excited to be going home. As much as I recommend long-distance relationships (and I actually do. Just not necessarily 10 months...) I'm pretty pumped to see Julia again. And family and friends too, I guess...

It's been a great time. I recommend everyone get out of their comfort zone and culture to experience a different way of living. Trust me, living with intermittent electricity, unfamiliar faces, unknown languages, undrinkable tap water, a military-enforced curfew and all the other fun stuff here can change a person for the good! I don't think I'd recognize the Trevor from 2 years ago! The funny thing is, as different as things are here, I still haven't been able to get away from Dutch Bingo...

That's about it for now, I'm sure I'll come back at the end of the week with plenty of stories and lots of photos! For now, here's a couple shots of an abandoned building some of us explored and a more colour-filled photo. The building was initially started 25 or so years ago with the intent on being a Sheraton, but I've been told that due to money problems, it's remained crumbling since then. I wish I had an entire day to spare (and my tripod!) to spend taking photos in this place!

This is it from the top corner.

And this is looking down one of the many shafts...

And this is a deck of Dutch Blitz...

Just over a month left.

Time is winding down. Slowly at times, quicker at others. But either way, I only have just over a month left in Nigeria.

A month seems like a long time. Until you start to plan it out. All the Sundays are already taken care of. Then there's a 5 day trip to Niger state I'm hoping to do. As well as travelling early to Abuja with friends. All the goodbyes I've got to schedule, as well as other events... this all adds up and a month quickly fills up and whizzes by.

I'm looking forward to going home. For the people: my family, my friends, my church, Julia... For the food. For the electricity. For stuff working like it's supposed to. For the ease of things. For the less hectic roads.

But I'm really going to miss this home. For the people. Nigerians, coworkers, friends... There has been such a community here. For example, this week I've yet to eat dinner in my own house. And don't have plans to until Saturday, when other people will be bringing food. I love this community. A lot of it is the mission community. Everyone loves to take care of each other. If someone is visiting from out of town for a few weeks, he/she will be fed and housed every day. We regularly meet to have discussions, for potlucks, holidays... One of the few things you can rely on in Nigeria is the people.

I hope to be able to mirror that when I get home. To be a part of a community. Not just a member IN it, but a part of. That if I was missing, people would notice. This isn't just a hubris thing, but that I'll be using my God-given gifts and talents to others' benefits. That other people would be gaining from what God's given me. That I recognise that God has not only given me what He has so that I could benefit, but that everyone around me could as well.

As for when I return, that's also filling up pretty quick. I fly from Abuja on the 21st, landing in Toronto in the afternoon on the 22nd. That leaves me one whole day before Christmas Eve to get over jetlag. Then on the 26th, Julia and I will be boarding a bus to St Louis to go to Urbana, returning sometime on the 1st. Overall, it's going to be pretty busy! Hopefully I get over the jetlag quickly and can work out to visit as many people as I can. Don't get offended if I can't see you within the first couple weeks of my return!

Anyway, if you're intrested, there are more Facebook photos. These are from when I went to Lafia and Kano. Enjoy!

Some photos

Hey all, I've posted a couple Facebook albums. One from Yankari (back when Julia was here) and one of an aqueduct hike I've done a few times over the 'seasons'. It's neat to see the differences after the rains... Links are on the right!

If I can't remember what I've written on here...

I figure you probably don't remember either. So if your memory is better than mine and I repeat things, I apologize.

A bunch of us recently went to Farin Ruwa (White Water) waterfall again. The weather was a lot better this time around (even though it DID rain - quite odd, considering rainy season is over) and we were able to stay more than five minutes at the falls. We went in the hopes that we could find somewhere to set up camp and spend the night. We packed our stuff, left before 8 in the morning, picked up wood on the way there and drove the 3 hours. The paved roads are bad enough, it's the dirt ones that take forever to drive on. Even if it is a LOT of fun to drive on! I managed to convince Matt to let me drive the dirt road on the way back. Whatta guy! It's a lot of fun to drive a 4x4 on roads deeply scarred from rainy season. Plus driving through a few streams as well.

The last time we went, we took a bus, which wasn't as 'agile' over the rough roads and led to us walking an hour to the falls. This time, thanks to a couple 4x4s, we were able to drive right up to the 'entrance' of the falls (a small hut put up back in the days that Nigeria had real tourists). We walked the last few minutes along a path whose sides were littered with old benches (again, from back in the touristy days).

It was a lot of fun exploring around the falls and the rapids. Dustin, Matt and Steve all went for swims, but I didn't feel like risking parasites and having to take meds in a few months just in case. So I followed the water down a bit along the rocks and got some cool views of the falls.

After exploring around the falls for a while, we went back up to the cars for some lunch. That's when we noticed the ominous dark clouds approaching. After a while the wind picked up so we quickly decided that heading back now was a better option than camping in a potential rainstorm. We packed up then headed back as the rain started to come down.

Apart from this, not a whole lot else has been going on. I'm learning more about the computer I've been working with with the aim to teach most of the Beacon of Hope staff to be able to take over and continue when I leave. I'm still hoping to go to Urbana with Julia in December, but still have to figure out HOW to get there. And how to afford it, heh. For those that don't know, Urbana is a huge mission conference held ever three years since the forties. This and the last one was held in St. Louis. Last year had 22,000 attendees (told ya it was big!) and this year I'm sure will be similar. The conference itself will be awesome (goes from the 27th to an hour after the New Year bell tolls) but it'll also be sweet to meet up with some friends of mine that will be there too. If we go, we'll be able to check out what's going on in missions around the rest of the world and hopefully open some new doors and learn a lot! You may be aware that I return on the 22nd. Which doesn't leave a whole lotta room to even get over jet lag or see family and friends before I'm off for 5 days to the States. And throw Christmas in there and it gets even tighter... But it'd still be worth it.

Last week we went to a different water fall, called Kurra Falls (not sure what Kurra means) and it was cool too. It didn't have much of a straight drop, but was still very impressive! Keep an eye here for some Facebook photos (eventually). To tide you until then, here's a dragonfly...

Also, here's another photo from Farin Ruwa. So close to the bottom there's a constant mist, which tends to coat everything. For example, even a camera lens...

 Well, that's it for now...

Back from Lagos!

Well, after waiting at Lagos airport for more than 6 hours (ugh) I made my way back safe and sound 'home' to Jos. I was in a part of Lagos called Agege. It's in Northern Lagos (aka, nowhere near the cool skyscrapers and sweet beaches on the coast) and it more resembled Jos, albeit a MUCH busier and MUCH more heavily populated. And much more expensive. I'd tell you how much I had to spend on a pack of cookies, but I'd be telling you in Naira and a lot of you wouldn't understand. But for the few of you... 600 Naira for a regular pack of Hob Nobs. Crazy!

Lagos was okay otherwise. I did some training with some of our partners there, teaching them how to properly implement and complete the surveys, as well as how to enter the data once the surveys are complete. For the rest of the time... I read.

and read...

Which is never a bad thing. I finished two books! The Three Musketeers (first novel I've read in... I can't remember how long) and The Art of Prayer. Both were good, in their respective categories. The Three Musketeers reminded me how much I love reading novels, while The Art of Prayer reminded me of how little I know of prayer, use prayer, make prayers or even believe in prayers. Not coincidentally (I've given up believing in coincidences) in Lagos was the first time (from what I can recall) that I've instantly been given what I've prayed for. During some of my ample time to kill, I had been mulling over what's too come in my life. Leaving Africa. Going home. No job. And the many other life-altering happenings that are due to occur in the near future. After thinking about this stuff for a while, I had become overwhelmed with an overbearing sense of panic. I'll have no job! That means no money! That means no future! That means... and on and on in my silly human logic. But then I prayed. I lifted all these fears to God... and He took them from me! I was left with such a calm and peace that I unashamedly say I almost cried. God's got all my future in His hands. And I wouldn't want them anywhere else!

At the airport, during my super long wait, I started reading a book I borrowed from Dustin called The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. This is a type of book that when I read it, it severely shrinks my hope of ever writing a book (a secret fantasy of mine). In this case because someone smarter, funnier and with a lot more knowledge of the Body of Christ under his belt has already written something smarter, funnier and to do a lot more with the Body of Christ than I ever could. The book is brilliant. I've been meaning to read it for a while now, as several other people I know have read it and recommended it. I'm three chapter to the end right now (I'll be sure to let you know if I have a change of opinion after reading the rest) and read everything but those three chapters that day. Couldn't put it down! He speaks so clearly of how we as Christians are to live as the Body of Christ. I couldn't find ANY Biblical argument myself for anything he was saying. Money, materialism, war, death penalty, violence... I did nothing but laugh at his jokes and agree with him. It makes me all the more wanting to go to Urbana this year, since he's one of the speakers. Another fantasy, just not so secret...

I'm excited to finish the book but I'm more excited to be following in the path God's set for me, a path that I know won't be easy, but it's the path He's laid out, He's guiding me on, He's lighting up, He's giving me the strength for... what in the world do I have to worry about anyway?

Nada!

Now here's a couple photos for your viewing pleasure!

An pleasant breakfast accident.

I took very few photos in Lagos but here's a (blurry) one that gives you a feel for how packed it is there.

On the airplane safety card. Apparently in the event of a crash, they recommend a wing dance party...

Lagos

I found out today at a goodbye dinner that I will be gone most/all of next week. I'll be flying to Lagos tomorrow sometime where I'll be doing some work with the promoters and teaching some computer data entry as well. So by the end of the month I'll have two trips I need to update everyone on! Keeps adding up...

Lagos is the second largest city in Africa (almost 8 million people) and has a reputation of being a not-so-safe city, so I'm a little nervous about that. I'm not sure what I'll be up to or how things will be like (besides hot) so I'm praying for a safe and enjoyable week there, as well as the flights in and out. On my way out I'll be on my own as Alice (my coworker) will be travelling on to Port Harcourt. Hopefully I can manage to make my way back to Jos on my own.

Nothing else new to report, besides an embarrassing locking-in-of-keys with my car in town the other day. I'll spare the details, but let you know that the chocolate I so looked forward to eating (chocolate is rare and expensive here) became quite gooey by the time I finally managed to get back into the car.

Less than two months left...

This Wednesday was the official "2 months left" marker. I've got mixed feelings about this.

2 months is...

on one hand, too long.
on the other, too short.

Two months seems like a loooong time until I'm home.

Two months seems waaaaay too short to have left.

I'll be saying goodbye to dozens of friends I've made here. People I've learned from and owe a lot to. It's going to be hard saying goodbye to them, not knowing if I'll ever see them again.

It's also going to be very hard going home to a level of uncertainty. I can proudly boast in advance that I know God will take care of me and that I really don't have anything to worry about as long as I'm living my life for Him. But that doesn't mean I don't often worry about all the 'unknowns' in returning to Canada for an indefinite amount of time.  I'm also confident that this is the path God has laid for me, so I've no regrets and don't expect to have any for leaving, but I will miss Nigeria a huge deal. It may sound cheesy, but the cliché saying is true: part of my heart is here. I love Nigeria, the Nigerian people, the missionaries, the other volunteers, the landscapes, the culture... granted, there are things I don't enjoy (like the hours long line up for gas) but there are so many things I'll miss. I hope to take a lot of what I've learned and put it into practice in my life in Canada as well. Where religion so obvious in day-to-day life as to make it into the names of stores or products (there's a bookstore called "God's Own Bookstore" in town). While it may make me chuckle, it also makes me realize that being a Christ follower SHOULD be something obvious. We're not supposed to be behind-the-scenes or behind enemy lines hoping to snag an atheist and get him on our side. We're supposed to be blatantly and obviously followers of our Lord. "They will know we are Christians by our love". They're won't need to guess.

I also hope to be able to share what I've learned and the experiences I've made in my 'other' homeland. I'd love to be able to get more people (mostly youth) involved in longer-term mission/volunteer work. By getting the word out there of mission organizations like the CRC and SIM and the countless others and getting my generation involved in them, God can use them in places like Nigeria. I'm excited for this opportunity to be able to share my past experiences, what I've learned from God, what He's shown to me and how He's carried me through. I'm excited to get more people involved in this line of God's work!

If only I knew how to go about doing that...

suggestions??

Also, here's a photo of me in Kano last week. I realize I've yet to update about that, so I'll be sure to soon!

Here I am greeting one of the groups of younger men who we did a program with.

Thank God for pain!

I don't have a whole lot to say on the subject from personal experience, especially not presently. The most I have is a small sore inside my upper lip that refuses to heal and stings anytime I try to eat. It's placement is pretty annoying as it's constantly being irritated by my tooth, making it's healing process quite long. But anyway, the reason for this post is because of the sermon I just heard. I didn't catch his name, but he's a retired pastor from the States on his 16th trip to Nigeria! He's been working very closely with an organization that makes wheelchairs available here. Apparently polio is most common here in Nigeria, especially in the North (where I'm going in about 30 minutes and I'm frantically packing a last few minute things). He spoke of a scientist who dealt a lot with leprosy (I wrote the doctor's name down, but have packed my notebook already, will post later). He shattered the centuries-old belief that leprosy caused the deterioration of the flesh and the need for amputation by discovering that the lack of feeling pain was it's source. Because the patients couldn't feel pain, they didn't know to take care of small sores. These eventually became infections and would lead to amputations. Amputations because of no pain. If there was still pain during infection, countless people would still have their limbs. Pain is important.

Thank God for pain.

The pastor also spoke of another reason for our pain. That our pain is for another's benefit.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Our pain helps us to heal. Our pain helps us to heal others.

I can't say a whole lot more on this as I've got to get a quick shower in before I run out. I'll leave you with the song we sang to close the service.

Brother, let me be your servant.
Let me be as Christ to you.
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant, too.

We are pilgrims on a journey.
We are brothers on the road.
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load.

I will hold the Christ-light for you
In the night time of your fear.
I will hold my hand out to you;
Speak the peace you long to hear.

I will weep when you are weeping.
When you laugh, I'll laugh with you.
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through.

When we sing to God in heaven,
We shall find such harmony
Born of all we've known together
Of Christ's love and agony.

Brother, let me be your servant.
Let me be as Christ to you.
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant, too.

Thank God for pain!

I'll be back on Friday to share my week with you!

ps, I just remembered... today's my birthday! :)

Kano trip

Didn't know if I'd have time to post something later today or Sunday morning, as I'll be spending my Thanksgiving in Kano. Kano is a city farther North and will take several hours to get there. I'll be attending a workshop there for Beacon of Hope. I'm leaving Sunday at noon, so I get to spend a good chunk of my birthday in a car. hmm...

Apart from that, there's not a whole lot new. I do have a new roomie. Ben. He's been here for a few months but he's been staying somewhere else. I mentioned that I have a whole house to myself and he moved in. Pretty fun. He's teaching at Hillcrest.

Nepa (electricity for you non-Nigerian lingo folk) has been great lately! It's normally on for a few random hours each day, but it's backwards now! I'll stay on for more than 6 hours at a time! It's pretty exciting to be able to constantly have my laptop fully charged. hmm, I think Nepa heard me, because now it's gone off. It just can't take a compliment! You never know when it's going to be off or on, which is a pain, because if I knew WHEN it would be on, it would be very easy to schedule around that. But, that doesn't happen, so I can't.

I have been told that we have it lucky in Jos though. Some people in more remote locations and villages are still without power. I suppose no matter how bad any of us thinks we have it... someone's always worse. Very humbling and a good eye-opener. Makes for a whole lot less complaining and a lot more appreciation!

well, I should be off to pack. I leave you with a recent photo of a Nigerian landscape. Hope all you Canucks have a great Thanksgiving weekend and all you non-Canucks... enjoy your normal weekend!

I've got a lot of things I want to say here...

but not right now.
Instead I'll leave you waiting in suspense.

But, I don't want to leave you COMPLETEly empty handed...

So enjoy some photos of Farin Ruwa (white water) Waterfall! It happened a while ago (when Julia was here) but I just posted them recently.

Until next time...

Decisions are hard!

If you're a part of Burlington Fellowship congregation and you read the bulletin this morning (during collection, if you're like me...) then some of this will be a repeat for you. But I might just throw in something new, so don't leave! There'll probably be a witty remark or two, so you'd me missing out, really.

If you didn't read last week's post, you should probably do that first, or else this won't make all that much sense... Now, onto the blog.

Everyone seemed to have known my decision before I had the chance to make it. If bets were made, no one would have made any money because no one was betting the other way.

First off, I'd like to thank everyone for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. It's very hard to live feeling your heart being pulled in two directions. But through a lot of Bible reading and studying, prayer and spending time with God, Julia and I have agreed that we feel God is calling me to return in December to Canada and pick up a role God has set for me to fill. Some people may grin or shrug and say 'figured that, no surprise!' but it truly was a hard and long decision to make. While I'm sad to leave the country I've come to love, filled with so many of God's people, I'm excited to transfer what I've learned from them to North America. I told a Nigerian friend and colleague how a part of me wished I could continue the work longer, he told me "it's not the length of time you serve, but the foundation you've laid through your work and relationships which allows others to build on and grow." This has been a comforting thought as I begin to realize I won't be returning to Africa - in the near future, anyway. ;) I've been blessed to be given the opportunity to build on many a relationship foundation.

I hope and pray that the work I've done and continue to do will be built upon for His glory.

A passage we read at church this morning also gave me some comfort. In Matthew 4 there is the well known passage of Christ's temptation by Satan (I prefer the translation of 'test'). In verse one, a verse I've read several times, I finally took note of a significance I never did before.

"Then Jesus was lead by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil."

Christ was led by the Spirit to be tested. Satan didn't drag Him to the desert. It was God who brought Jesus to the desolate and hard terrain of the desert (after 40 days of fasting, no less!) to be tempted by the enemy. The Spirit doesn't always lead us to where we think it would, and it won't necessarily be a walk in the park either! But, if we follow where the Spirit leads, endure the tests put before us and keep God in our hearts... then we will be blessed, and God will be glorified. "Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended Him."

Several of Jesus' rebukes to Satan come from Deuteronomy 8, where Moses is giving a parallel explanation to Israel. Explaining how the hardships they endured, the suffering they were under... was not just punishment.

"The LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you... to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you... but remember the LORD your God, for it is He who gives you the ability to produce wealth"

Similarly in Judges 2 and 3, God is explained to have caused nations to rise up against the Israelites. "I will use them to test Israel and see whether they will keep the way of the LORD and walk in it as their forefathers did." God also brought up enemies to teach Israel how to defend themselves: "the nations the LORD left to test all those Israelites who had not experiences any of the wars in Canan (He did this only to teach warfare to the descendants of the Israelites who had not had previous battle experience)."

I think we can all find this fits today as well, not just for me in my particular situation. When you see that God arranges for tests as a way to teach; that difficult times are means for God to instill trust in Him alone, then we can truly thank God for hardship. We can't always tell while we are in a time of suffering why we are in this particular suffering. It is possibly that we may never know the exact reason, but we don't NEED to. I don't know for what EXACT reason God is calling me to Canada at a time when I feel much at home here. I know SOME of the reasons, but I can't tell you all of them. I do know it's for my benefit and His glory. And I can't think of any better reasons! (Especially the second one). Maybe you've suffered something so that you can further spread God's love. For example, who better to counsel and help someone who's been abused than someone who'd been abused in the past? We need to use what God has taught us in our school of suffering to display His ever-present hand in our lives.

Praise God for hardships.

Praise God for suffering.

Praise God that He uses us to spread His kingdom.

Praise God that He cares enough about us to test, train and teach us.

I wonder...

In all my searching to fill a hole for God...

have I left one in Canada that's the perfect fit?

Also, check out more Obudu pictures here and in the list on the right.

Two in a row??

Hello again! I know I JUST wrote a blog. You're probably tired of my constant updates. I know this is very unusual. Two blogs in the same month is fairly uncommon, let alone two blogs DAYS in a row! So, if you didn't happen to read my last blog, go ahead and scroll down first, there's a couple updates in there you DON'T want to miss! When you're done that, onto the new blog!


I'm pretty sure Psalm 37 is my favourite Psalm of the Bible. It not only gives the promise of God's blessing, but reminds us quite clearly that God's mercy, while given and undeserved, should invoke in us desire to live a life for Him.

I wrote a blog about verse 4 last year sometime, specifically about how we often read verses like that one backwards.

It says: "Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give the desires of your heart."
We read: "You'll get that stuff you want if you do some things for God first."

This isn't a conscious 'translation' of the passage. It is one often heard being yelled by prosperity preachers everywhere yet somehow happens to stick... Rather than the desires of our heart changing to match those of God's, you expect earthly blessings for 'doing your part'.

Related to this is taking texts out of context. This verse would look great on a fridge magnet, church sign or bookmark, but I almost guarantee that people who read it as a stand-alone verse will be thinking of earthly blessings as the reward. The only thing that comes close to earthly rewards in Psalm 37 is how the faithful are promised that "He will exalt you to inherit the land." (Land doesn't work itself. Sounds like more work than pure blessing to me...) Hardly the big-screen TV I was expecting. The reward that IS stated after verse for is that "He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." I'd take that over a TV.

Protection is something else that is continually promised. Protection and inheritance of the land. In fact, the old man (v 25) who wrote the Psalm tends to speak how less is better. "Better the little that the righteous have than the wealth of many wicked".

The less you have
The more blessed you become.

Ever meal is transformed into a blessing. Every new day is something to praise God for. Each drop of water is a constant reminder of God's protection of those who take refuge in him.

Another apparent theme in this chapter (this one was what really hit home for me) is when the author talks of TIME.

Old man David reminds us repeatedly that God's actions might not be happening at this exact moment. But they will.

The Lord's actions against the wicked: "Like the grass the will soon wither", "A little while and the wicked will be no more", "they will vanish", "all sinners will be destroyed", and

"The LORD laughs at the wicked for He knows their day is coming."

Might not be happening just yet. But it's coming.

David also gives explicit commands. He tells us to be active in our faith, but also to be patient. Patient because the blessings God's promised

might not be happening just yet. But it's coming.

Patience in Psalm 37:

"Do not fret";
"Trust in the LORD and do good";
"Commit your way to the LORD";
"Trust in Him";
"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him";
"Do not fret";
"Refrain from anger and turn from wrath";
"Do not fret";
"Turn from evil and do good";
"Wait for the LORD and keep His way."

Be still. Be patient. Wait. Wait patiently. Wait for the LORD. Do not fret, fret, fret!

I think we're supposed to wait. And patiently...

What are you waiting for? I've been hoping for an answer or two myself. Some direction perhaps. I have some meetings coming up about my work here, then Julia and I will evaluate whether or not I will continue here in Nigeria for another year as I'd originally agreed to in July last year (about 4 months before Julia and I started dating...) There's a lot more factors in the equation than just that of our relationship, so Julia and I are praying that we will be able to weigh them out and that whatever conclusion is reached, it will be done in a God-pleasing manner.

This is something I've been slow to learn; that God doesn't necessarily have a solid, black-and-white, written-in-stone plan for me. There can be variations, I think. If I'm following the path I'm on in a God-pleasing way... then I'm on the right path.

"If the LORD delights in a man's way, He makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with His hand."

This is a verse that has brought much comfort to someone assuming there was going to be a burning-bush moment where every detail of my future path was be laid out.

God's plan for Julia and I may not become obvious, but I'm comforted knowing that if the path we follow is followed in order to please God and not ourselves, then hopefully it will be a delight to God and He'll be holding our hands the entire way.

It is a great comfort. It promises me that whichever path is chosen - as long as it is done in delight of the LORD - God will make our steps firm.

No path will be easy. Two obvious scenarios are that I leave a country I've grown to love which is in desperate need of help, or I continue to be away from all my loved ones and miss all the opportunities I know are waiting for me in Canada.

During the next week or two, Julia and I will be spending a lot of time in prayer over this. I'm also asking for your prayers for us as well. I'm praying that we can come to a conclusion that will be pleasing to God, as well as the strength to carry on along the path. There will be moments of stumbling, I know, but God will be there.

This chapter of the Bible has been a great help to me in the last couple years, and I hope my ramblings on it have been thought provoking for others too.

Cheers!

Tired of checking up every couple weeks or so only to realize I still haven't written a blog? Just put your email address in that nifty box over there on the right and you'll get an email when I FINALLY post a new one! Nifty! (Cheers to Dustin for showing me how to do that).

Speaking of cheers...

I recently listened to a cover of TV theme song. I always enjoyed the song, but this artist, who's name I've forgotten, said the reason he always loved the song, is because he felt it should make you think of church. I agree with him. Imagine this being sung by a guy in a cool accent with an acoustic guitar... Then also think how you can better make your church into this place. Don't leave it up to anyone else, k? I've found I've done that a lot in the past, hope to change that (when I'm a regular member of a church again...)

Making your way in the world today
Takes everything you've got;
Taking a break from all your worries
Sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?

All those night when you've got no lights,
The check is in the mail;
And your little angel
Hung the cat up by it's tail;
And your third fiance didn't show;

Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
You want to be where you can see,
Our troubles are all the same;
You want to be where everybody knows your name.

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;
The morning's looking bright;
And your shrink ran off to Europe,
And didn't even write;
And your husband wants to be a girl;

Be glad there's one place in the world
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
You want to go where people know,
People are all the same;
You want to go where everybody knows your name.

Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came...

Also, I found this terribly funny.

That was fun...

But short...

Julia came to visit me for a month. (see Facebook photos) ===>

It was a grand ol' time. But now she's back home. That's not as much fun...

We did a lot of fun things though. You can check out a lot of them on that link over there on the right. But one of the things I hadn't posted on the F-book just yet is our trip to Obudu. Obudu is in the Eastern mountains of Nigeria, bordering Cameroon. The sights are breathtaking. God's got a pretty amazing creation!

Obudu used to be a cattle ranch but it's now a very fancy resort. They still have the cattle, just now you can have a delicious chunk of one for dinner! yum! I've honestly never been somewhere this fancy. Even in Canada. It wasn't cheap, so we stayed somewhere that was. We crammed four of us (Amber, Erica, Julia and myself) into one tiny room. There was a double bed that we managed to fit two mattresses around. One went on the side, one on the end of the bed. I was the lucky one at the end on the floor, so I got to smell Amber and Erica's feet each night...

The drive there was long. Took more than 9 hours (especially after our driver drove the wrong way for more than 30 minutes) but it was worth it. Obudu is one of the highest points in Nigeria and it has two ways to the top. One is a cool snakey road that winds its way back and forth up the green hills. The other (and even cooler!) is to take the longest cable car in the world and dangle above the hills!

We drove up the hills to get to our 'hotel' (too much luggage for the cable car...) and were swallowed by the clouds on the way. But not before getting a great view.

The next day we thought we would spend at the side of the pool. The pool is back down the mountain (too cold and cloudy at the top...) so we headed for the cable car. We bought our tickets for the cable car and the pool at the resort and took the trip down. It was very cloudy at first, but once we broke through... wow! So many times I wanted to just stop the car and take in the sights for longer. The cable car took us over several hills, with towers on the top of each, creating a new and even more amazing view each time we topped the next hill. It's hard, impossible really, to fully describe it all.
We chilled at the pool at the bottom for the day. Virtually the only people there for the entire day. Again, nicest pool I've ever been to. Outdoors (of course) in a valley at the bottom of the mountains. I hope I'm painting an adequate picture. The pool itself was quite the sight, let alone the 360° view around us! Two waterslides, two diving boards, a kiddie pool with fountain, two seperate pools and one complete with a tiny island! Needless to say, I did not feel like I was still in Nigeria.

We had lots of fun on the slides and lounging about for the day. I burned (of course) but it was still great. Then we took the cable car back up to the top, seeing more amazing sights all around us.

We ate at the ranch restaurants a few of the nights and had delicious meals. Thick juicy steak for me! AND coffee!! Like, REAL coffee! It's a rare thing in Nigeria, and well cherished. We had several cups each.

The rest of our trip consisted of a horseback ride (which was less of a "ride" as we thought, and more of "being led around slowly on a hourse for half an hour"... and a few hikes. There is a canopy walk that takes you right into the trees! Also cool.

Another hike brought us to a grotto where we could have swam. If it wasn't cold. Oh, and if there wasn't a constant stream of tourists...

I think that about sums up Obudu. Hard to really sum that all up though.

Apart from Obudu, we also went to Yankari Game Reserve where we went on a safari and sat in the hot springs for the rest of the day. We visited the Jos Zoo and Wildlife Park and Farin Ruwa Waterfall ('Farin Ruwa' means 'White Water' in Hausa).

Pictures of them are yet to come, bear with me! (I don't want to overdose you).

Enjoy some more pictures of God's beautiful creation on display in Obudu...

better... worse

Got my iPod fixed!

before...

after!

















And I lost about $50 worth of malaria medication...

before...

after!














That happened a while ago already. Just turned into powder. No idea why. But I'm okay with it. It was making me bald.

If you're curious, yes, my hair HAS been growing back. *thumbs up*
If you're even MORE curious... 44 hours, 10 minutes left. *thumbs WAY up*

Things are going well. Been busy at work and been busy preparing for Julia's visit. yay!

Can you hear me now?

Cellphone reception isn't always the greatest in Africa...


I haven't been a very faithful blog updater this year, which probably annoys me more than it does you. I liked to hear from people and keep them up to date, but don't get a whole lot of that when I don't update... so it's kinda a lose-lose situation. I hope to turn over a new leaf with that, but I'm not sure how realistic that's going to be. Especially in the next month or so. I'll be a tad 'distracted'... heh.

Things have been going well. I've got one last Hausa class tomorrow, then I'll be going to work until Julia comes. (woot!)

I've also added a handy-dandy link list to the side of my blog ===>
It's got all my Facebook pictures from Africa (last year and this) plus a few others. I didn't include any concerts or the like... Would've been a long list. Rather than posting the links here IN the blog, I'll post them there and mention in my blog when I've posted a new album. That way, if you ever missed a post or feel like looking back, you can! How lucky of you!

Right now I'm reading a book called The Heavenly Man which, according to the front cover, is "the remarkable true story of Chinese Christian Brother Yun".

'Remarkable' is an understatement.

This man has gone through SO much. Prison, beatings, prison again and again, more beatings, friends martyred, persecuted, family imprisoned, family persecuted... It's incredible. A man of incredible faith. It really makes me see how God takes care of those who fully put their trust in him. Which seems an odd thing to say after listing off many of the things he's suffered. One chapter chronicles his incredible escape from prison and later from China. I can't even summarize it properly. He listened to God and didn't hesitate. Because of that he was able to literally just walk out of the prison. (Walk after being crippled, mind you!)

I pray for such faith. To ignore my 'conscience'/the Devils prompting and follow God's commands. To daily pick up my cross for Him. Often we pass up suffering and reason our way out of it.

"Why would God ever want me to suffer?"
"If doing such-and-such were to kill me, what's the point? I could do so much more if I was alive."

I find myself often using excuses like this. The last one I think is used by me and others to reason with ourselves as to why 'God wouldn't want' us to go through with it. One thing I've been realizing a lot of lately is how God brings His people out of incredible situations. If you believe and follow Him, God will lift you out of what you thought was a dead-end. Often in ways you never would've thought possible. I wonder how many Israelites wondered as they walked towards the Dead Sea with Pharaoh and his army behind them: "I bet God's just going to move all the water out of the way so we can just stroll across". They were running into death (by man's reasoning) and God let them walk to safety. This happens throughout the Bible repeatedly. And it doesn't stop. Brother Yun is an modern example.

Prosperity preachers are common in Nigeria, but their teachings reach the West as well. I regularly hear of 'sermons' about how God is essentially just waiting to give you loads of money and riches. I guess we just take that backwards sometimes. The West HAS loads of money and riches, therefore God has blessed us. Right? I dunno. Sometimes I see the wealth of the West as less of a blessing from God and more of an enticement into a smug life by Satan. Here I daily see blind men being led around by children, cripples dragging their legs as they pull themselves around by their hands, elderly women asking for food, children holding out bowls and begging... I see all this, and I remember those who are thankful for all that God has blessed them with. I'd still say that wealth is a blessing from God, but Satan twists it to his favour. Having thanks isn't just enough. I'm guilty of this as well, don't think I'm preaching. Working in Toronto for a while got me into the habit of ignoring beggars and I often do the same here. I still don't like handing out money, however. Not because I feel I 'deserve' the money more than someone else, I know God's given me every cent He has to use for His glory. But because I don't know enough about how the money will be used. I'd often have used that as an excuse to not give out ANYthing. "He's just going to buy booze." But my way around it now is to buy a big box of packaged cookies and keep them in my car to hand out to the kids when I can. I'll let you know how this pans out...

Not to be taken literally...

A song we learned in Hausa class, to the tune of "The B-I-B-L-E":

Littafi Mai Tsarki, abinchin rai ne shi.
Akwai koshi sai ka zo ka ci Littafi Mai Tsarki.

Translation:

The Book that owns Holiness, it is the food for life.
There is satisfaction, so then you come and eat the Book that owns Holiness.

My Hausa class is almost finished, just one more day left. I had 'the big test' today. It was an oral test, which is good. The less papers with big red Xs, the better. The classes have been fun. Got to know a bunch of other missionary/volunteer people better. Oh, and I learned some Hausa.

Julia comes in less than two weeks time! Getting closer and closer!

Before I forget, here's the Facebook photos of the Nigeria vs Kenya game.

We celebrated the 4th of July here with a swim at the local pool and a bbq. Well, the Americans celebrated it, I celebrated a late Canada Day. Here's Erica, Debbie, Amber, Dustin and the BBQ Master.
For Canada Day, my one housemate made me a poster. Stayed up until 1am the day before. Whatta guy! Guess he ran out of things to put on it, so he put a picture of Julia and a prayer card from a former volunteer who was here (Janina) who is also Canadian.A while ago, we had a goodbye/dressup party (another one...) with the theme being Blast from the Past. I went for the Julius look. Complete with laurel and a bloody knife in my back. Realized I'd never posted a photo from it I guess... So here it is. From left to right: Lisa (aka Eve), Emmanuel (aka Obi Wan Kenobi), Mark (aka didn't-dress-up-for-the-party), Matt=pilgrim, Kari is a hippy, Micah took the theme a little literally and dressed up as a blast from the past, then there's me, Julius on the end. In the front is the bride of Frankenstein, a baby, Jane Fonda? and another Eve. Oh, and Rene there in the middle is dressed up as a cavewoman (or me from the last party).I'll end this blog with a fake letter we had read to us one day during devotions. I enjoyed it and found a version of it online. Hope it makes you think as much as it did to me!


To: Rabbi Paul of Tarsus
First Christian Church
Antioch, Syria

Dear Mr. Paul: I have your application for missionary appointment before me, and will be as frank as possible concerning your qualifications as a foreign missionary. We have to be very careful in choosing our missionaries, and our Missions Board has reviewed your case thoroughly. We have decided that it would be unwise to send you to the foreign field for the following reasons:

1. It has come to our attention that you are doing secular work on the side. We do not feel that making tents and full time ministry go together very well. It seems that you do not have enough experience in trusting the Lord for your income. You should make up your mind whether you want to preach or continue your profession.
2. Your previous actions have been very rash and unseemly for a minister. We learned that in a public meeting you opposed Dr. Simon Peter, an esteemed minister with a high reputation. We also hear that you argued so violently with some of our ministers that a special council meeting had to be called at Jerusalem to prevent a serious split in the churches. We frown on such radicalism. For your own good, I am enclosing a copy of Daius’ Carnegus book on “How to Win Jews and Influence Greeks.”
3. You have consistently conflicted with mature Jewish brethren in nearly every city you have visited who simply want to encourage the converted Pagans to be properly circumcised. Paul, you must know that these men are our most learned sages with a deep sense of the roots and history of our faith. As well, and more importantly, these men control the synagogues you could be ministering in if you would simply tone down your dialogue into a more friendly and respectful exchange.
4. In checking back, we discovered your Christian education consisted of a three year course in Arabia. We find that the Arabian school has not been approved by our accreditation board.
5. Further, you admit to being an unskilled public speaker. Paul, surely you must know that people expect fine elocution from men of God, and that as a denomination we stand for the highest levels of excellence in the pulpit. Yet instead of going to much-needed oratory classes you spend your time making tents instead. From your correspondence, you also appear to be spending a considerable amount of time writing letters to insignificant little “churches” that meet in homes. Honestly now; do you really think that such misguided activities are what will lead to your success in the world of religion? We strongly suggest that you put down your tools and set aside your pen, and instead practice hand gestures and facial expressions and voice modulation in front of a mirror for several hours a day until you come up to par.
6. We also hear a rumor that you are a snake handler. We don’t have all the details on that episode at Melita, but such a reputation could only hurt the true cause of Christ and the Church.
7. It has come to the attention also that you often emphasize “the power of God” and “the gifts of the Spirit.” Also that you speak in tongues a great deal. Surely you realize that such as this only drives off the better class of people, and attracts only the riff-raff. Not only do you admit to “speaking in tongues” more than anyone else, you also state that you wish all of us would speak in tongues as well. Keep these personal practices to yourself! Do you want to split our denomination wide open? It would be better to tone down those more sensational forms of worship. You sound as though you are “off the deep end.”
8. It has been proven to our satisfaction that you had hands laid on you at Antioch with prophecy going forth, with none of the Apostles or Headquarters brethren present to conduct this ordination service in the prescribed manner. Again, all this “spooky mysticism” must stop immediately! Why can’t you be more conservative like us?
9. We see here that you have a jail record in several places. If this is true, it puts you in a bad light, for our denomination has always stood for a high standard of civic responsibility, and I fear it would damage our reputation to have someone representing us that had served time in jails and prisons. Frankly, Mr. Paul, we seriously doubt you could have been innocent and the judge wrong in so many cases. It just doesn’t look right.
10. It seems that you are a troublemaker, Mr. Paul. Several business men of Ephesus have written us that you were the cause of severe loss of business to them and even stirred mob violence. You must learn to cultivate the friendship and influence of men such as these.
11. We also have some details of a lurid “over the wall in a basket” episode at Damascus, plus a stoning at Lystra, and several other violent actions taken against your ministry. Haven’t you ever suspected that conciliatory behavior and gentler words might gain you more friends? We have never condoned such sensationalism in the ministry. This is just not the type of missionary that we send out.
12. We have learned through channels that following some trouble with a preacher on the island of Cyprus, you began to allow yourself to be known by the Gentile pronunciation of your name rather than the proper Hebrew. Yet another conflict, and then a name change. This does not seem to us to be conduct becoming to the ministry.
13. You admitted in your application that in the past you neglected such needy fields as Bithynia, just because “the Spirit didn’t lead that way,” and that you undertook a hazardous journey on the strength of a dream you had at Troas. Mr. Paul, surely you don’t expect us to go along with such flimsy and fantastic excuses for your seemingly purposeless wanderings?
14. Many times you did not stay long enough, in our opinion, to get a church established. You left your converts many times without even a pastor to guide them, and without setting the church in order in some good hierarchical denomination.
15. We hear also from Troas that you preach too long, one sermon lasting almost twenty-four hours, even to the extent that a young man fell asleep and was seriously injured. We understand that you claim to have restored his life and raised him from the dead by falling on him and embracing him. What nonsense! We need practical men in the ministry, Mr. Paul, not high strung emotional radicals. Our advice is for you to shorten your sermons considerably. We find that about twenty minutes is the longest a minister can hold the attention of his audience these days. Our motto is “Stand up, speak up, and shut up.”
16. It is reported from your home church that you could not get along with your fellow ministers; that John Mark–a commendable young man and nephew of one of our leading ministers–had to leave your party in the middle of a journey; and that you had a violent quarrel with gentle, good natured Barnabas. Now these men are well thought of in Jerusalem and we wonder why you are always having trouble with your fellow workers?
17. We have notarized affidavits from four very popular and influential preachers: Diotrephes, Demas, Hymenaeus, and Alexander; to the effect that it is impossible for them to cooperate with either you or your program.
18. From what we hear, you seem to think that you have some direct sanction from on-high, boasting about your revelations and that God has chosen you to reveal some “Mystery”. Can’t you realize that any truth that is to be revealed would come through Headquarters to the recognized, established brethren, and that after it had been checked by our Procedure and Doctrine Committee that we would pass it on to the ministry?
19. You spend too much time talking about “the second coming of Christ”. Your letters to the people at Thessalonica were almost entirely devoted to that theme. Put first things first.
20. In a recent sermon, you said, “God forbid that I should glory in anything but the cross of Christ.” It seems to us that you also ought to glory in our heritage, our denominational creeds, our confessions and distinctives, and the World Federation of Churches.
21. Finally, we hear that you claim to be an Apostle. We know nothing of this being passed upon by the proper authoritative channels and wonder how you could back that claim up, when the last Apostle was voted into office right here in Jerusalem. Now that our denomination is firmly established, why do imagine there would be any need for God to further the Apostolic gifting?

As you see, Mr. Paul, we feel definitely after close scrutiny of your case, that you are undoubtedly the most unqualified applicant we have ever seen, and my advice for you is to find a church where you can work in harmony, and use your past education as perhaps a Sunday School teacher.

I hope I have prevented you from making a terrible mistake in your life.

Sincerely Yours,

J. Flavios Fluphihead, Secy.